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The truth about authority figures

Deana Morris Uncategorized , 0 Comment
The truth about authority figures

The world needs women who stop asking for permission from the principal. Permission to live their lives as they deeply know they often should. I think we still look to authority figures for validation, recognition, permission. Elizabeth Gilbert (author)

 

How many authority figures are there in your life?

One? Two? More…?

So, surprise… this is a trick question. There should be no authority figures for you – if you are a strong, functioning adult who’s mentally healthy and emotionally functioning well.

Because if you’re an adult… you’re in charge. You’re the authority figure in your life. You’re in charge. No one is the boss of you. No one. You don’t need anyone’s permission – you’re the expert on you, it’s your call.

If that feels uncomfortable to you, maybe you could use a hand building your confidence in your power as an adult. Got questions?

My parents?

How old are you? If you’re a grown up, your parents should be wise friends you love deeply and who want the best for you. But they are not authority figures any more.

So what about my job boss? Or my boss’s boss?

Your boss is your colleague. If he or she is abusing that role, that’s an issue, because together you are supposed to be working to create something of benefit. Your boss may earn more money and there may be a hierarchy diagram which shows different levels in your work organisation, but that does not make your boss an authority figure. They may tell you things you don’t want to hear, and ask you to work when you’d rather not, but they are doing a job too. And you do have the right to say ‘no’.

What about the police?

Again, they’re doing a job. It’s not personal, they’re upholding the law. That’s their job.

What about politicians?

Along with the media and the church, they may be very keen on you giving them authority. Otherwise, well… why do you need them? Fear is a weapon of choice for these guys. Do as I say or you’ll lose all you (don’t) have. Do as I say or you’ll go to hell. Do as I say or you’ll be murdered in your bed/lose your job/lose… lose… lose…

The bottom line is, you are the authority figure of your life. You have the power – and may the force of love be with you, as a very wise woman I know likes to say.

Scary?

If your parents have raised you well, you’ll be saying, ‘so what?’ 

If you’re confused by these ideas. Or threatened. Or at the very least uncomfortable with being in charge of you; full stop. Well, in all likelihood, you’ve got some growing up to do. And that wake up call can come at any age. Don’t worry if 18 is a very distant memory for you, it’s never too late.

So how do I grow up?

If you’ve cottoned on to the fact you’re a child dressed up as an adult (or in all likelihood an adult dressed as a teenager), step away from the scooter/skateboard and take a breath.

You can do this.

Firstly, there is Mel Robbins and her advise is free there. You’ll find her on YouTube. She’ll tell you that parenting yourself is your job now and she gives great advice.

If you think you want to work with someone on developing your skills in parenting yourself, building your confidence and dealing with where you took a wrong turn on your growing up journey, then there are plenty of great therapists out there who will help you achieve this.

Remember, it’s never too late to grow up. Peter Pan wasn’t happy, but you can be.

May the force of love be with you.

Are positive affirmations hurting you?

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Are positive affirmations hurting you?

‘I am a good person. I am loveable. I am enough.’

If you’ve just read those sentences and you rolled your eyes – good for you! A little healthy cynicism is no bad thing. Shows a strong sense of self regard.

If you read those words and felt a stabbing sense of inadequacy, a haunting flash of ‘not me, never me’, if you wondered (yet again) what was wrong with you, why positive affirmations weren’t working for you, no matter how many times you said them…. YOU! You are who I’m writing to here…

Dear You,

There is a reason why positive affirmations aren’t working for you and ‘it’s not you, it’s them’, as they (very nearly) say.

Take a moment. Let that in.

Because it’s ‘widely believed’ x = y does not make it true. Positive affirmations are not for everyone. 

Like crop tops, dungarees, or Take That… Just because you see them everywhere does not mean they’re a good fit for you.

It’s widely believed the Earth is a perfect sphere. That’s not true, it’s actually quite lumpy. People used to believe the Earth was flat. Didn’t make it true either.

So positive affirmations make you feel better… Do they? Hmmm… Let’s have a look at the data. 

Positive affirmations work for positive people. Yes.

Positive psychology found its feet in the 1990s and since then some of its widely held beliefs have since been researched and found to be questionable.

For instance, research published in 2009 by psychologist Joanne Wood and her team, ’Positive Self Statements: Power for Some, Peril for Others’, discovered that if you have high self esteem, repeating ‘I am a loveable person’ multiple times resulted in ‘slightly’ improved mood.

So, yes, there’s merit in them. For people who already have strong self-esteem.

But what Wood and her team also discovered was people with low self esteem felt worse when they repeated the positive affirmation. Why? Wood concluded that it was because the phrase just gave their inner critic more ammunition, it served only to remind them of a limiting belief they held about themselves. Like mentally poking yourself in the eye with a sharp stick. Over and over again.

So, dear You, please stop. For you, positive affirmations are likely to be more like a way of self-harming, if anything. Look for another solution – and there will be one for you, please do believe you can be a happy, healthy human being, I do believe that – but repeating positive affirmations when your self esteem is on the floor is unlikely to be the key that will free you from your unhappiness.

Photo by Rae Tian @Unsplash

Finding your yoga tribe

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Finding your yoga tribe

Oh, the joy when you find the right yoga class for you. 

It’s all happy face, party hats flying, streamers and skippiness…

But oh my, does it take time to get there!

Last year I moved 280 miles – from Manchester to Eastbourne – away from the yoga teacher I’d been with for more than six years. I had completed my British Wheel of Yoga Foundation year course with her. I had then spent more than three years in Yoga Teacher Training with her. I attended her classes and workshops.

I hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to find the right ‘fit’ again. I thought I was moving house, but I was leaving a lot more than bricks and mortar behind. You can skype your mates, you can’t skype in for your yoga class. Well, you can, but does it feel the same? There is something about the collective energy of a yoga class that works for you. You grow in ways you can’t alone and it nourishes you in ways solo practice can’t.

If the right class for you is the first one you try, you’re very lucky. As a teacher, you know students who come to you for the first time, may not come back. Because you’re not right for them at that point in their lives. And that’s ok.

I did not know that when I was younger and for years I persevered in classes that didn’t work for me as a yoga student. 

I found them too crowded.

I found them too rigid.

I found them too samey.

But I ploughed on, because if nothing I am resilient and I do not ‘give up’. It won’t surprise you to read I’m fairly introverted with a mile-wide rebellious streak and I get bored fairly easily. So was a honouring who I was in those busy, repetitive, ‘well if this modification doesn’t work for you then leave it out’ classes? I doubt I gave ‘me’ any thought at all as I grew up a ‘pleaser’. I was invested in pleasing the teacher, not myself.

Your yoga is all about your self care. Your honouring and deep communication with yourself. Yes, there’s a place for being led, but you’re an individual, not a facsimile of your teacher.

You’re communing with your Self. The heart of you. The soul of you, if you like.

Yes, it’s about moving your body and stilling the mind, but it’s also an intimate experience that challenges you. It’s not about pushing a square peg into a round hole.

In my fierce determination to not ‘give up’ I forgot all of that.

Of course, now I’m in my fifties and I’m accumulating more wisdom, I’m better at choosing for me, whether I’m wearing my yoga student hat or my teaching one.

I teach in the evening. I focus on slow classes, designed to build strength, but also calm the nervous system, quieten the mind and prepare my students for a good night’s sleep. It’s absolutely appropriate for the class. But more importantly, it’s important to me to give an alternative to fast flow. I value smaller, cosy teaching environments. It feels right. It feels nurturing and, to me, it feels slightly rebellious. Ticking all my core value boxes.

So if you’ve tried yoga and you thought it wasn’t for you, try a different teacher. But don’t give up just because your first experience wasn’t a perfect fit. The right fit is waiting for you. It’s not you. It’s not the teacher. It just is. Think about who you truly are and find someone who reflects those values in a way you can recognise. 

Everyone will be far happier.

Meditation and hypnosis: the kissing cousins

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Meditation and hypnosis: the kissing cousins

The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances ~ Atisa

Meditation v Hypnotherapy.

It never ceases to surprise me how comfortable people are with the idea of meditation, but hypnotherapy…? Hmmm…

Imagine yourself meditating. 

What do you see? Yourself sitting crosslegged, a blissful smile playing on your lips?

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Imagine yourself in a hypnotic trance… what do you see?

Powerlessly telling your darkest secrets? Barking like a dog on command, unable to control your reactions as you chew away on raw onions?

Interesting, isn’t it. 

And yet, so far from the truth.

Because here’s the reality. Meditative trance and hypnotic trance. Pretty much the same state.

‘But what about those stage shows?’ I hear you. But here’s the thing. They’re not hypnotherapists. They’re in show business.

Any hypnotherapist will tell you that, contrary to what you might imagine, you won’t do anything or say anything you don’t want to do or say when you’re in a hypnotic trance. Here’s the secret to what appears to be ‘mind control’: those people you’ve seen on television, or in shows on stage… they’re highly extroverted, highly suggestive individuals who have been carefully selected because the mesmerist wants someone who loves to perform. Watch how they select who gets up on stage. That process is about assessing who is suggestible and is up for performing and really, really wants it.

In fact, moving into a hypnotic trance state itself is very like the deep relaxation state you’ll enjoy at the end of a yoga class or when you’re meditating.

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Of course, in hypnotherapy, we use this deep, relaxed state to explore issues that are holding us back from living the way we want to live. 

Hypnotherapists are guides, helping you explore the past to understand where you developed patterns of thinking or habits of action that were once a coping mechanism, but no longer serve you. Like eating when you feel lonely or self-sabotaging your best efforts to find the job of your dreams or choosing Mr Wrong over and over again.

Then we help you take control and move forward in the way you want – because we are all authors of our own stories and we can all have a happy ending.

It’s just sometimes we need a hand to help us pick up the pen and find the positive words that will propel us along our story’s timeline, in the direction we want.

Photos: @erik_brolin @xsanfeng @romankraft

How to survive Mother’s Day when yours is a narcissist

Deana Morris Uncategorized , , 10 Comments
How to survive Mother’s Day when yours is a narcissist

‘Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?’

Mother’s Day is a date fraught with issues for many women. For some it is a date carefully ignored. Card shops walked past, certain aisles in supermarkets avoided, social media shunned as those women countdown and pass a date which pricks their memories of mothers lost, mothers passed.

And deeply sad this is.

But there are others you’ll see, carefully sorting through the cards. Stopping, hesitating and hovering over several cards, unsure of which to pick. Sometimes they’ll pick three in a moment of anxious panic. ‘Choose later’ they mouth to themselves.

And then there is a gift. But which gift? Will it be good enough? Will it cost enough? And so this desperate dance of indecision goes on. Every year. 

Always unsure of which gifts will please and which will rain down criticism. 

Motherhood is not like the movies for everyone. For some daughters, neglect or abuse is a vivid memory which haunts their best efforts to grow emotionally strong in adulthood. Narcissistic mothers see their child as a mirror, a reflection of themselves, not an individual. They’ll want you to achieve so they can bask in your glory, use you as a boasting toy, but you can never win because if you achieve too much they’ll envy you too. There is no winning their unconditional love. There is none to be had.

Snow White’s narcissistic parent may have been portrayed as a step mother, but hell hath no fury like a raging narcissist let loose with power.

A daughter of a narcissistic mother may not risk death by hitman on Mothers Day, but it can feel like a tightrope walk, without a net, where the cold hard ground of disapproval and distain awaits if you stumble.

And it’s always a long way down.

Of course, not buying a card isn’t an option either. Unlike the daughter who mourns a lost parent you mourn the unknown. Instead you stand in front of a card display that reminds you only of what you never had and never will.

No one wants to confess that their own mother is a mean girl and so it becomes a secret. So how do you get out of the woods of secrecy?

Understand what you’re dealing with: it’s not you, it’s them

Read all you can find. Remember that narcissism is a spectrum, not a one power dress fits all set up. Small amounts of narcissism are perfectly healthy, but the more traits your mother has, the more your parent walks towards full NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).

Get help to work through what cannot be said to this parent 

A therapist; a support group, find people who understand you. Emotionally, it can be like learning to walk again after you’ve walked with a limp for a very long time. But it can be done. You can stand tall. You can be free.

Recommended further reading:

The Stone Child: Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Will I Ever be Good Enough? Dr Karyl McBride
Dangerous Personalities: Joe Navarro

Everything I want (and more) is on the other side of fear

Deana Morris Uncategorized , , 0 Comment
Everything I want (and more) is on the other side of fear

It’s the night before I’m due to speak on a stage, in front of an audience who are paying actual money to be entertained… There I am. Lying in bed, tears streaming down my face.

‘I can’t… I don’t want to… He’s making me sound like a retired porn star…’

My long-suffering partner sighs silently to himself. He tells me I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to (cunning move, this kind of talk always spurs me on). Then he comes a smart quip about Belle de Jour. This makes me laugh. And I stop blowing my nose long enough to smile, at least at the thought that in his head I in any way remind him of Catherine Deneuve.

I’d just been having an email conversation having a difference of opinion about what the title of my talk should be, at a local event the next night. My talk event host is blithely unaware of how seriously I am taking this. (Perhaps until he gets an email which is mostly in capitals with the phrase ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT!’ repeated several times.)

Am I having a disproportionate meltdown? Absolutely.

Am I caught up in am emotional whirlpool that feels more like a tornado? YES!

Am I aware of all that, that I know logically that this feeling will pass, it’s just an emotion telling me I’ve hit a mental speed-bump, but still freaking out with a racing mind which appears to have forgotten lots of things, like full stops for instance? OH YES. 

But the thought of coming off sounding like I’m planning to recount the loves and lives of an X-rated movie starlet had sent me over the edge of rational and into teary meltdown.

I am reminded of the little girl I blogged about a week or so ago… But I wasn’t being diva, and neither was she. We were overwhelmed.

I go to sleep, exhausted by my tantrum (while my partner probably lies there blinking at the ceiling). Then the next morning I get up, redraft the title to one I can stomach (and so can the event organiser – hurrah) and the day moves on. I also rewrite big chunks of my talk. And it was probably better for that too.

Fear lives in the amygdala. I know public speaking is a big fear issue for many people. I know I’m not alone. But I feel like I am. As do we all at these times.

I’ve not spoken in public for a long time. Like 40 odd years long. Not like this. I’m invested in this. This is for me. When you’re invested beyond waving a pointer at a powerpoint in front of a committee; it’s different. it’s personal.

So why am I doing this? Scaring seven shades out of myself here, and doing so on a regular basis these days…

My top 3 fear pay offs

  1. Fear is a friend not an enemy
    It’s very easy for me to say ‘fear is just a flag, acknowledge it and move on’ because I do a fair amount of saying ‘hello’ to fear and spending time dancing with her (I think Fear is female, but that’s just my fancy). Rather than hide from Fear, I like to hang out with her from time to time, because I’ve noticed interesting things happen when I do. When she reduces you to a big sob mess, you’re on to a winner. This is your 100-1 winner, you’ll get so much more back than you invest. I knew my teary, sobbing fit meant this was big. I was right and it was worth every moment of vulnerability.

2. Fear is a catalyst for creativity
If you want to move forward, think differently, take on tasks that you suspect are beyond you, do one thing that scares you. Just a wee one. Because facing fear has big pay offs. All that ‘but I can’t…’ mind chatter starts hearing ‘yeah, but you did’. And if you can do one you can do another… and another…

3. Great ideas keep surfacing
I was really struggling to find meaningful blog topics before the talk. Now I cannot stop! Three months of ideas banked! Fear kicks down doors in many ways.

So how did I prepare for this first big public speaking step?

I have a method and it worked for me. People like the podcaster and entrepreneur, Tim Ferriss and Susan Cain, the author of Quiet and another Introvert, prepare to speak publicly in similar ways too.

A blog for another day, very soon…

Exploring yoga for change

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Exploring yoga for change

‘Be the change you want to see in the world,’
Gandhi

This is a saying I hold close. And deep. In my heart.

Gandhi led a revolution, using peaceful means to free his country. My aspirations are a quite revolution, but he is a huge influence for me.

You don’t need to be leading a revolution to find this phrase useful. You can use it to change your own circumstances for the better.

If you want the world to be different, you need to embody that and be part of that change in the world around you.
So if you want to feel loved, behave in a loving way. If you want to be loved unconditionally, you’re going to have to be prepared to give that out to others. Which I know some people find very difficult, because I hear it all the time…

Why aren’t my children more grateful?
Why does my husband have to leave the lid off the toothpaste/toilet seat up/toast crumbs in the bed?
Why can’t my mother admit when she’s wrong?

People are flawed. They just are. Get over it. And if their experience of being with you is that you scold them, hold back from them, flash micro-expressions of irritation at them when they displease you; don’t imagine they won’t pick up on that.

We see more than we realise.

Communication isn’t just about words. It’s about flashes of movement. Shifts of tone. Sudden silences. 

Author and inspirational speaker. Danielle La Porte, very astutely reminds us that when we behave in the way we want to feel, we become that. Change is an inside out job, not an outside in.

If you want to feel amazing, consider what that would feel like. What would that look like? How would you eat, exercise, think? What would your home look like? What would you be reading? What would your best friend be like?

Have you noticed how some people are very good at telling you what they don’t want? They spend all that energy thinking about that they want to reject, but put no energy into thinking about what they want to create.

Interesting. There’s an irony in that without a plan you don’t move; there’s no risk. Except you stagnate, of course, and which is worst?

Accessible Yoga for All

Here’s something I want to see: accessible yoga for all.

I know what it’s like to be unemployed; it can be limiting in many ways. You have time, but little money. I remember being unemployed and that unsettled feeling of instability I carried. Which is ironic when I think about the jobs in which I earned a lot of money; I had no time and my self care was woeful anyway.

That’s why I created a yoga programme for employees to enjoy in their lunch break. It started when I worked in a university and I taught it there for two years. It’s an on-site delivered, easy to fit in option that gives an oasis of stress recovery for people who spend too much time sitting.

But what if you’re not working?

Now I strongly suspect a lot of yoga teachers will overlook a student’s inability to pay for classes during periods of unemployment, because we know if there’s one thing that’s going to help them it’s regularly getting away from their worries and spending time in a calm environment.

But being unwaged happens when we retire, when we’re students, when we’re running the house, bring up children… if you want to start an activity and lack on money is an issue, how can you access what you, of all people, could benefit most from? And how disempowering is it, to be ‘given’ when you can give and make a choice about how much

So here’s my little Be the Change solution. I’m not sure if it’ll work for me and it’s not original, but this was what I came up with – and I strongly suspect the Universe lent a hand…

Yoga by donation

I teach one class a week where if you’re unwaged, the price of a place is by donation. There’s a minimum donation of £1 (so I can cover the room costs) and if you’re waged a mat is £6 (still pretty good value for where I live). If you want to read more about my classes, the details are here and there’s a Yoga with Deana Facebook group too.

Where I’m teaching classes is subsidised through the philanthropic legacy of the man whose building it once was. That means, if every space goes I’ll cover the cost of the room hire anyway. I’m looking at grant applications to extend this too.

But as far as I can see, when I give of my time the energy I put into that doesn’t have to come back to me as money.

I’m helping people in my location, in a small way. I’m helping feel better and hopefully live better. I’m pushing positive energy into the world in a different way which means positive energy should return.

Maybe not so altruistic of me; but I’m enjoying the journey there. I’ll let you know how it turns out!

The No1 cause of limiting beliefs

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The No1 cause of limiting beliefs

‘Why do you always have to be such a diva?’ the mother hissed at her daughter as the little girl, still in her slightly-too-big school uniform, looked down at the floor and cried. Just a little bit harder.

It was early evening on a Friday in my favourite, end of the week pub tea and unwind venue, in our currently quite sleepy seaside town.

I’ve a finely practiced ear for listening in to other people’s conversations; the habits of former newspaper reporters die hard. Pubs are a primary source of what’s going on beneath social surface so I’m frequently doing this without even realising.

And on the surface that’s just a mother losing her temper with a child who’s having a moment. The whole family trailed out the pub, the menus abandoned on the table, because the little girl clearly couldn’t stop crying and the mother wasn’t in a place to manage her child’s distress.

But as a hypnotherapist, I hear more than ‘Why do you always have to be such a diva?’ I hear the seeds of trouble ahead being sown, for a little girl who may well grow up with a diva streak a mile wide and wonder why she can’t form friendships and relationships the way others can.

Here’s the why.

When we ask a child ‘why are you always slow’. ‘why do you have to be so greedy’, ‘you’re no good at maths, why can’t you even add up?’ they can take on these labels and they can stick. Because at the time they’re just a little kid, they don’t know ‘why’ so they assume that’s their identity and they wear it.

‘I don’t know why I can’t keep up, I must be slow’.
‘I don’t know why I want more, I must be greedy.’
‘I must be terrible at maths because I don’t know why I got that sum wrong.’

How many of us can read perfectly well, but will insist we’re not great at spelling? Where did that come from? When you think about it, how can that be true? Doesn’t make sense, does it, when you apply logic… (having a ‘lightbulb’ moment?).

Children don’t think like adults, their minds work differently. A child of six won’t be able to rationalise why she’s having a meltdown at teatime, after a long day at school (although I could hazard a guess) and she will have no idea why she’s being ‘such a diva’.

Children’s minds don’t develop the ability to think critically and consider abstract ideas until they’re past 11. This sort of reasoning is one of the last to develop, as they mature into young adults. And although  the stages of cognitive development in children may be flexible to an extent, I’d be very surprised if our sobbing little girl, who looked about six or seven, could raise her head and say: ‘I’m not being a diva mummy, I’ve had a long day, my blood sugar levels are somewhere on the floor and frankly I’m overwhelmed by the idea of sitting in a crowded pub, when all I want is something to eat and a lie down.’

And so she takes on the shame of the label and it being her fault everyone had to leave. Shaming is very powerful, but it seldom leads to positive outcomes.

Episodes in our childhood where people highly influential in our lives, such as family members, teachers or even other kids, label us and shame us are invariably the root cause of limiting beliefs we hold onto in adulthood.

I don’t work with children, but I do work with adults carrying labels they collected as children. I’m fat; I can’t cope, I’m stupid, I’m unloveable… the power of working with clients in hypnosis is they can see the bigger picture, because now they have the ability to apply logic to the scene that set the stage for living with a label that’s not theirs.

They can take off the label, once and for all.

Myth-busting hypnosis

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Myth-busting hypnosis

‘You use hypnosis not as a cure, but as a favourable climate in which to learn,’ Milton Erikson

When I talk to people who want to come for hypnotherapy there are questions that come up. Frequently. 

That’s natural. Whenever we’re trying something new, we may hesitate. It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘what ifs’ and forget about our aims – to move forward towards our goals, free from what’s been holding us back.

So here are a few questions I’ve heard and here are the answers. If you have more questions, you are very welcome to contact me. And do your own research; hypnotism has been researched for a long time. There’s lots out there.

Once I’m hypnotised, will I be instantly transformed?

Hypnosis is a tool, not a magic wand. In hypnosis we work within the world of the subconscious mind, where emotions and feelings are more easily accessed. This is why clients engage at a level that’s not available through the conscious mind alone. More of the mind is working towards your specified goal.

Will I surrender all control?

I hear this frequently, and I’m not surprised, given the dramatisation of hypnosis we see on TV and in the theatre.  Stage hypnotists are of a different ilk. And they get confused with hypnotherapists. All that ‘you are in my power…’ nonsense (cue therapist eye-roll moment). It’s a show. Stage hypnotists are looking for highly extroverted people who, on a subconscious level, want to be part of the fun. And that’s all stage hypnotism is – fun.

Consider this… if stage hypnotists and hypnotherapists could make you do anything against your will, why are we not all living on tropical islands, living lavish lifestyles because you’ve given us all your money? That’s not the situation, is it. We live ordinary lives because we’re ordinary people. Yup, because YOU are in control.

Will I tell you things I don’t want to?

Again, you are in control. If there’s something you don’t want to say, you won’t say it. Hypnotherapists cannot ‘make’ you do or tell us anything you don’t want to.

I’ve heard hypnosis is ‘unnatural’ or ‘dangerous’

You naturally go in and out of hypnotic states all the time, often without even realising. Have you ever arrived somewhere and realised there are stages of the journey you don’t remember? That’s one type of trance state. And very common.

Hypnosis is an ancient therapeutic tool that can be dated back to the ancient Greeks and Egyptians. Modern hypnotherapy is based on research by famous twentieth century psychologists such as Carl Jung and Milton Erikson.

What if I can’t be hypnotised?

If you’ve ever fallen asleep or woken up, you’ve been in a hypnotic state. That moment before you slip off to sleep or are stirring into wakefulness; they are both hypnotic states.

Being in hypnosis is somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, in many ways. It’s a sleep of the nervous system that allows us greater access to what’s going on in our subconscious. What drives our emotions and feelings is rooted in there. The subconscious mind knows where your issues are rooted?

What if you make me believe things I don’t want to?

Your hypnotherapist is your guide, working in partnership with you. You can accept or reject suggestions in hypnosis and that is absolutely right. It’s my job to adapt to your needs and discover what is meaningful for you in that moment. Everyone responds in their own way; it’s not a test, it’s a journey we take together.

Will I just need one session?

Anyone who tells you they can get consistent, instant results in one session, isn’t being realistic. Each client comes with different issues, we all respond differently to hypnotherapy and we are all living in different environments which may challenge us in different ways that may not have been explored in that hypnotherapy session. It is possible to achieve long-lasting instant results, but it is not the norm.

You are a unique individual dealing with a unique circumstance, based on your unique experiences. Be compassionate with yourself. Your hypnotherapist will be too.

Can’t I just listen to suggestion recordings?

Positive suggestion recordings are great and they’ll make you feel good, but experiencing lasting change for you is unlikely. If your subconscious is like a pool and the water is murky from unresolved past experiences that are holding you back in the present, going swimming in that water unhindered is unlikely. Better to get clarity and clear up the pool before you go swimming. 

If you have more questions about hypnotherapy, contact me at dmtherapies@gmail.com. I offer a 20-minute free discovery conversation for you to explore whether hypnosis is right for you.

Speak and inspire: the unforgettable journey

Deana Morris Uncategorized , , , , , 0 Comment
Speak and inspire: the unforgettable journey

Did you know the fear of speaking in public is one of the greatest fears we have?

Whatever happened to sabre-tooth tigers and dinosaurs, eh? Oh yes, they’re extinct, I’ll give you that. Well, Brexit then.

But the primal response we experience when we feel under threat – whether we inch out onto a stage and into the spotlight, or spot a  tyrannosaurus rex looming up behind the 91 bus – is exactly the same.

Fight or flight – fear is there, big and large, prompting the ‘it’s super scary’ physical response. Sweating, dry mouth, squeaky voice, the sudden desire to projectile vomit…

So why, (oh why oh why) have I signed up for a Ted Talk style event ?(Thursday 7 March 2019 at the Bavard Bar, Printers Playhouse, Grove Road, Eastbourne) See; look at me, telling you where it’s happening – do I have an ego death wish? (Well, yes, actually… but that’s a blog for another time).

But I’ll be there, with bells and whistles (not literally`) partly because I enjoy pushing my own buttons and partly because a self-hypnosis session on discovering my purpose  brought up speaking in public.

And in trance it felt so natural, so exhilarating and so what I should be doing. I watched myself move about the stage, I could see the audience listening, I could feel the tension in the air – the prickling electricity of a powerful moment shared.

Given that I haven’t spoken in public since I was at school (unless you include teaching yoga and I don’t, that’s different. You’re doing something and so is your ‘audience’) I was shocked. Where had this come from? What far corner of my subconscious thought this was a good idea?

Sometimes the subconscious takes us by the surprise though and I felt compelled to discover whether the experience actual is anything like the trance version.

But obviously I’m not going to leave that first experience to chance, that would be foolish – and completely disloyal to my inner swot who loves to study. 

I didn’t do girl guides (rebellious, even as a kid) but I love that motto ‘be prepared’. For the past few weeks I have been working on my presentation skills with motivational speaker and all round queen, Lisa Nichols. Her Speak and Inspire course is amazing; a truly transformative experience because it encourages you to watch and support each others’ efforts through Facebook lives, in a closed group community. Sound confusing? It is a bit, but my goodness, what a community. In there you’ll find friends, made friends, see lovely people bare their souls, hear stories that inspire, touch the heart but mostly help you understand how you’re not alone.

Everyone struggles. School bullies, work bullies, domestic bullies have been kicking fragile souls all around the world forever, it seems. We think we’re so alone, don’t we. That our ‘shame’ is isolating and excruciating, but it’s such a shared pain, it truly is. There are some awful people out there. I’ve also heard stories of divorce, broken careers and the triumphs and insights that came out of the adversity.

When we’re open and honest with each other, when we take down the walls, let go the mask and hold space for each other, magic happens. You get fresh perspective. It’s extraordinary. And Lisa shares amazing self-transforming practices that I’ll be sharing with my clients. That woman knows how to find self love and build its fire.

I’ve nearly finished this course, but I’ll hold close to me many of those people I’ve met. From all corners of the world. All cultures. All ages. Whatever you may imagine, what makes us the same is so much greater than our differences.

If you have advice for speaking to an audience, please share. What are your top tips? How do you like to create dialogue rather than a monologue?